Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage
(A Biblical Perspective)
To please God, must believers defrauded by a spouse
live the remainder of their life in celibacy?

Divorce and Remarriage from
“The Beginning” to Date

Must a believer defrauded by a believing spouse live in celibacy?

1. Comparing Spiritual Things With Spiritual

When we study the scripture it is important that we, ¹ "Be diligent (Study, KJV) to present yourself approved to God, a worker who does not need to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." Also, it is important to believe that the answers to all questions of a spiritual nature that relate to "life and godliness" are found in the Bible. ²"All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, That the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." My desire is to compare ³"spiritual things with spiritual." As we do this we will be guided by The Holy Spirit to understand both God's restrictions and God's allowances and provisions for the fact that we have ⁴"this treasure in earthen vessels."

2. Definition Of Words And Expressions

To facilitate a common understanding as one reads through this study, let me give a definition for some of the words and terms that will be used throughout this study.

Adultery -

The act of becoming "one flesh" (sexual relationship including, but not limited to, intercourse) by a spouse or with a spouse involving someone to whom they are not married.

Become one flesh -

Sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. Sometimes referred to as the "act of marriage."

Confirmation -

The act that "confirms" (GAL 3:15) the contract/covenant of marriage.

Consideration -

What parties to the contract/covenant can expect from the other party.

Defrauded -

To have one's spouse be guilty of "sexual immorality" or fail to provide what God says the spouse should provide in the marriage relationship.

Duration

The time element in the contract or covenant of marriage indicating its end.

Divorce -

Separating the practical and/or legal ties that exist between two parties who have been married to each other.

Marriage -

One man & one woman who become "one flesh", with the commitment of marriage.

Peace -

To live in "peace" is to live comfortably with one's sexuality generally because one has a marriage partner. Both husband and wife are to supply the needs of the other.

Sexual immorality -

Any sexual act that is defined in God's word as sin. It includes "adultery" but is in no way limited to adultery.

Spouse -

A husband or a wife.

Victim -

A wife or husband who has been defrauded by their spouse. This could be the result of "sexual immorality" or abandonment.

What god has joined together -

Any man and woman who have a commitment of marriage to each other and have "become one flesh."

3. Marriage In The Beginning

We find marriage first mentioned in Genesis chapter One where we are told, ⁵ "So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." We are also given instruction from God as to what they were to do, ⁵ "Then God blessed them, and God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'" This is an overview of creation relevant to man and woman. In chapter 2 we have revealed to us how and why woman was created and marriage was instituted.

In chapter 2 God recognizes the fact that, ⁶ "It is not good that man should be alone." This statement of fact is not dispensational. It does not change whether one has accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior or not. Further, it is revealed that God said, ⁶"I will make him a helper comparable to him." This helper comparable to man was made from the rib of the man, ⁶ "the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman." The first marriage takes place when God, "brought her to the man."

Adam's response when Eve was brought to him gives us some idea of what is involved in this institute we call marriage. First Adam said, ⁶ "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh." It has been observed, that being taken from Adam's side instead of his head, she was not to be over Adam; taken from his side instead of Adam's feet, she was not to be walked on. But taken from his side, she was to be cherished and protected. This thought, while not the reason woman was taken from the side of man, is consistent with the Biblical view of the relationship between man and woman. To please God, man has always needed to treat women, and his wife in particular, this way.

It is further stated, ⁶"Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife." A man will leave the headship of his father and the nurturing of his mother and be joined to his wife. A severing of one relationship and a commitment to another. Stepping out of one family circle and with his wife beginning another. The same is true of the woman. She leaves the headship and nurturing of her father and mother to begin a new family circle, with her husband to nurture and cherish her as well as be her head.

Finally, the confirmation or sealing of this relationship, ⁶"they shall become one flesh." The expression, "one flesh," is referring to the sexual relationship between man and woman. There is nothing mystical or spiritual about the act itself. In fact, the apostle Paul tells us this is what takes place in a relationship with a harlot, ⁷"do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For 'The two,' he says, 'shall become one flesh.'" When a man and a woman come together with a commitment of marriage to each other and "become one flesh," (engage in the sexual intercourse) ⁹"God has joined (them) together," in the God-ordained institution called marriage. They have entered into the covenant or contract of marriage. God is the one who wrote the stipulations for this covenant or contract.

There is no thought of leaving that relationship or of failing to provide his or her part of this marriage covenant. In ⁸"the beginning" death was not a consideration, sin was not a consideration, and what the Lord Jesus refers to as, ⁸"the hardness of your hearts," was not a factor. Adam and Eve began their marriage without guilt, shame or selfishness. "In the beginning" they had perfect bodies; they were exquisitely beautiful and magnificently handsome. The Lord Jesus Christ said, ⁹"So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." It was not then, it is not now and it has never been, ⁶⁰except in rare cases, God's will that those who enter into the marriage relationship separate. It is God's desire that the commitment to each other increase over the years, that children be born to these two parents who love and are committed to each other and that both parties to the marriage contract or covenant are faithful to each other. However, when sin entered the picture God tolerated deviation from his original intent and made provision for his creation to live in ¹⁰"peace."

In Genesis 3 the serpent convinces Eve that to disobey God would benefit them and she took of the forbidden fruit and ate and gave to her husband. He ate and immediately they were separated (dead) from God and plagued with guilt and shame. When God describes the results of this disobedience he says to the woman, ¹¹"...Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." Woman was created to be ⁶"a helper comparable" to the man and is now informed that, ¹¹"Your desire shall be for your husband."

To this point in scripture we have seen two basic reasons for marriage. The first being, ¹²"the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone.'" The second reason for marriage is, ¹²"I will make him a helper comparable to him....Your desire shall be for your husband." The second reason is based on man's need for a helper. God designed and created woman to fill that need. Possibly before, but surely after the fall, woman would have a desire for her husband.

4. Marriage After The Fall

The desire to become ⁶"one flesh" is what perpetuates the human race. This desire is what motivates man and woman to obey this instruction to Adam and Eve, ⁵ "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth." This desire is so strong that, for many, the hunger for this relationship is nearly impossible to deal with in a moral way outside of marriage. This fact is clearly stated by the apostle Paul, ¹²"because of sexual immorality, - let each man have his own wife, - let each woman have her own husband." This is the third basic reason for marriage.

God's Three Basic Reasons For Marriage

1. "... the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone.'"

2. "... I will make him a helper comparable to him....your desire shall be for your husband."

3. "... because of sexual immorality - each man his own wife, each woman her own husband."

(GEN 2:18 & 22, 3:16 & 1CO 7:2)

These three reasons given in the scriptures provide insight as to why, down through the ages, God has allowed deviation from his original intent of one man with one woman until death takes one of them. There is nothing in any dispensation that removes these three basic reasons for marriage. In most cases, a man will not function comfortably without a wife (i.e. not good to be alone). In most cases, a woman will not function comfortably without a husband (i.e. she desires a husband).

5. From The Beginning, There Is An Order In Headship And Authority

The order is established in the fact that God created man first and then created woman to be a helper for him. The apostle Paul references this when he says, ¹³"I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve." God addressing the woman after "the fall" said, ¹³"Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." The apostle Paul says, ¹³"the head of the woman is the man," and "as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." The apostle Peter says, ¹³"wives be submissive to your own husbands." This order and authority does not change throughout the Bible.

The Mosaic Law recognized this order, the Lord Jesus Christ recognized this order, and the apostle Paul, in his epistles for the church, recognized this order. For this reason, the Mosaic Law stated as the apostle Paul repeated, ¹⁴"the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband" and ¹⁵"A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." God's intent is that the woman who enters into the marriage contract with a man is bound to that contract until death part them. God also recognized that, since the fall, the heart of mankind (male and female) was wicked and hard. Because of this, God made provision under the Mosaic Law to enable both male and female to live in "peace." God also recognized the potential for immorality that was part of the makeup of fallen man and made provision to relieve the "victim" of such immorality from the marriage bond. While it is true that God tolerated deviation from his original intent of one man, one woman till death parted them, God did not tolerate immorality.

6. Immorality And The Marriage Relationship

Early on, after the fall of man, even from people who apparently were not committed to pleasing God, we find they recognized adultery as a serious sin. Pharaoh told Abraham after Sarai obeyed Abraham and said she was his sister, ¹⁶"Why did you say, 'She is my sister'? I might have taken her as my wife. Now therefore, here is your wife; take her and go your way." Abimelech, when this happened again, referred to the adultery that could have resulted. ¹⁶"You have brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin?" Those two kings recognized adultery as being a "great sin."

When God gave the Mosaic Law, there were a number of laws that dealt with immorality. If a man married a wife and felt she was not a virgin, it was the responsibility of the father to produce the ¹⁷"evidence of the young woman's virginity." If the evidence of her virginity was produced, the man would be fined and he could not put her away during her lifetime. If the evidence of her virginity could not be produced, she was to be stoned to death. If a man became jealous of his wife and felt she was committing adultery, God provided the ¹⁸"bitter water that brings a curse." God said of a man or woman who violates the marriage covenant by sexual immorality, ¹⁹"the adulterer and the adulteress, shall surely be put to death. Also under the law, God instructed Israel that one who committed ²⁰incest and one who practiced homosexuality or bestiality should be put to death. This liberated the spouse who was currently bound by a marriage covenant (a victim) from the privileges, obligations and duties of the marriage covenant. This enabled them to find ¹⁰"peace" in another marriage relationship if they so desired.

At a time when Israel (still under the Mosaic Law) could not execute those who violated God's moral laws, the Lord Jesus Christ recognized that immorality violated the marriage bed. Also, it in effect ⁹"separated" what "God has joined together." Consistent with this the Lord Jesus said, ²¹"whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery." The exception allows a man or a woman to be freed from the marriage covenant after their spouse, by the spouse's actions, in effect "separated what God has joined together." When Israel could administer God's justice, the guilty spouse normally would have been killed.

7. God Tolerated Deviation From His Original Intent In Marriage

God's intention was for one man to be married to one woman until death parted them. God's intention was that they live moral lives true to the marriage covenant. God did not tolerate immorality as we have seen above. However, God did not consider having more than one wife to be immorality. There are many examples in scripture of this. In most cases it brought trouble, but God did allow it. Below is a sample list of some of the men in the Hebrew scriptures that had more than one wife.

LAMECH- GEN 4:19 ABRAHAM- GEN 16:3

JERAHMEEL-1CH 2:26 ASHHUR-1CH 4:5

ESAU- GEN 26:34, 28:9 JEHOIACHIN-2KI 24:15

REHOBOAM-2CH 11:18 SHAHARAIM-1CH 8:8

ELKANAH-1SA 1:1 & 2 SOLOMON-1KI 11:1-3

ABIJAH-2CH 13:21 JACOB-GEN29:23, 29:28, 30:3, 30:9

DAVID-ISA 18:27, 25:39, 30:5,

2SA 11:27, 12:8

8. Defrauding Of Wife Was Not Tolerated Under The Law

God, recognizing that men would take more than one wife, made provisions for a wife in this situation to receive what was her due under the marriage covenant. ²²"He shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights." "Marriage rights" is an expression that includes the sexual relationship between husband and wife. If the husband would not provide these three, ²²"then she shall go out free, without paying money." The husband is due nothing since he violated the covenant of marriage by defrauding his wife.

Also, God recognized where there was more than one wife, the first wife possibly would not be loved. Therefore, the children of the second wife might be favored when it came time to inherit. God protected the status of the first born whether his mother was loved or not by stating, ²³ "He must not bestow firstborn status on the son of the loved wife...he shall acknowledge the son of the unloved wife as the firstborn."

Under the Mosaic Law, God's order was a woman would be ¹⁴"bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives." God also recognized there would be situations where ²⁴"a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her." This would put the woman in a bad situation, married to a man who did not love her. God made allowance for the man to give her a ²⁴"certificate of divorce" and send her out of his house. The husband that did this had separated ⁹"what God has joined together." The woman could then find ¹⁰"peace" in marriage to another man and not be considered an adulteress. The only restriction to this was that she could not return to her first husband after she had married another husband.

9. God's Desire In All Dispensations Is That A Husband Nurture And Cherish His Wife

At the beginning God's intent was, ⁶"a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (cleave, KJV) to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This relationship would provide the needs of both husband and wife physically, emotionally, spiritually and sexually. The man would draw the woman to him in a relationship of permanence and protection.

Since the fall of mankind on, it is clear the woman's ¹¹"desire shall be(is) for her husband." The need and desire for this relationship exists today, the feminist movement to the contrary not withstanding. Feminists may not like to admit it, but they want the God-designed love, direction, protection and sexual relationship a man is to provide for a woman in the marriage relationship.

Naomi said to Ruth in the love story of Ruth and Boaz, ²⁵"shall I not seek security for you, that it may be well with you?" God's desire is that a woman find security in the marriage relationship. Unfortunately, because of sin, many men, as well as women, have not lived consistent with God's intent in either morality or commitment to the covenant of marriage. Therefore, marriage does not result in a place of rest for far too many wives.

God makes it clear that he has a problem with men who do not treat their wives consistent with His wishes. Even in a time when he made allowance for the ⁸"hardness of...hearts," he said, ²⁶"let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce." Because of Israel's failure to walk in God's order in this area God said, ²⁶"He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with good will from your hands." This is very similar to what The Holy Spirit inspired the apostle Peter to write, ²⁷"Husbands, dwell with them(wives) with understanding, giving honor to the wife...that your prayers may not be hindered."

10. The Lord Jesus And Divorce- (Sexual Immorality Is His Focus)

The expressions made by the Lord Jesus Christ, during his earthly ministry, on the subject of divorce and remarriage were made to the Pharisees, His disciples and the apostles. In Matthew 5, the Lord mentions the provision of the law enabling a man to give his wife a ²⁸"certificate of divorce," and then remarry. However, the Lord limits the situations that rise to that level by saying, ²⁸"whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery." The Lord also places responsibility for the result of ignoring that limitation and abandoning a wife on her husband, "CAUSES her to commit adultery."

The Jews were apparently granting divorces for what might be called "frivolous" reasons. This would be consistent with the question they asked, ²⁹"Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" In Matthew 19, the Lord Jesus limits the application the Jews were making from "for any reason" to ³⁰"except for sexual immorality." In the expressions from the Lord Jesus, as recorded in Matthew 5:31 & 32 and Matthew 19:9 the only reason stated where a man could initiate divorce and marry another and it would not result in adultery, was a situation where the wife had violated the marriage covenant by committing sexual immorality. Under the Mosaic Law, in earlier times, when Israel was not under the control of the Roman government, the immorality should normally have resulted in death. The death would have freed a husband from the marriage covenant.

In Mark 10:2-12 there is a parallel account of Matthew 19:3 - 10. However, there are two differences. In Mark's account, there is no mention of the acceptable reason for divorce given in Matthew's account, ³⁰"except for sexual immorality." Also, in Mark's account the same thing is stated about both the man and the woman if they divorce and remarry. ³¹"Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery...." and ³²"if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery." We need to have Matthew's account along with Mark's account to understand all The Holy Spirit had recorded for our learning. Since the same action, divorce and remarriage, results in the same sin, adultery, for both husband and wife, it seems reasonable that the same sin, "sexual immorality," would cause divorce and remarriage to be an acceptable option for both the husband and wife. This would be consistent with the fact that both the adulterer and the adulteress were to be stoned according to the Mosaic Law.

It is important to realize that the gospel accounts do not contradict each other. Together they give us a complete picture of what the Lord Jesus had to say on the subject. It is also important to understand that the expressions in the individual passages are not comprehensive in scope, individually. These three expressions do not represent the whole story from the woman's perspective: a.)²⁸"whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery," b.)³⁰ "whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" and c.) ³²"if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

These expressions are modified by either the fact of "sexual immorality" on the part of the husband or the fact that the husband "divorced" his wife, separating what "God has joined together."

If the wife initiated the separation of "what God has joined" (divorced her husband) and remarried without him first having committed sexual immorality, she would be guilty of adultery. If the wife were guilty of "sexual immorality" and her husband divorced her, she would need to deal with her sin in a Godly way. She must confess and forsake. Prior to coming to repentance, she would be described this way, ³³"as a wife treacherously departs from her husband, so have you dealt treacherously with Me, O house of Israel." But if a husband, unlike God, breaks the marriage covenant (i.e. separates what ⁹"God has joined together" by immorality), then his wife would not commit adultery if she remarried. If her husband separated what God had joined together, simply by divorce without first committing sexual immorality, he would be responsible for "causing" her to commit the act of adultery." If the wife committed "sexual immorality," which prompted her husband to divorce her, then in essence she had separated "what God had joined."

These passages in the gospel accounts are not addressing the question from the perspective of the "victim" (the innocent partner). They are speaking from the perspective of the "guilty" partner (the person who would "separate what God has joined.") The only time explicitly stated in the gospel accounts when divorce is an acceptable option to God is when the one divorced (the one who might otherwise be a "victim") has already violated the marriage covenant by conduct described as "sexual immorality."

11. The Age Of Grace, The Church Age

This dispensation, or period of time, begins in scripture with the second chapter of the Book of Acts. At this time the promise of The Father, The Holy Spirit, is sent back by the Lord Jesus upon His ascension to The Father. From that time on, believers in The Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior are baptized into the Church which is Christ's body. They are baptized into Christ and the Lord Jesus Christ dwells in them.

It is understood by some, that because of the work of The Holy Spirit, in this dispensation God's three basic reasons for marriage are not as important in the lives of believers as they were in ages past. Because of the work of The Holy Spirit, it is understood by some that God changes the rules relevant to what he will allow in the way of divorce and remarriage in this dispensation. Certainly in this dispensation God wants a husband to have that kind of love for his wife that endures all things and enables him to forgive in any situation. It is true that a husband has the ability to have this kind of love for his wife, when he walks in the Spirit. However, we have this treasure in earthen vessels. The love of the Lord for the Church and the love of the Lord for Israel are both illustrated by the love of a husband for his wife. This would indicate this love is not unique to this dispensation.

It is also understood by some, that during this dispensation a husband (and wife) have a higher and greater love for each other that should cause them to ignore "sexual immorality" as an influence on their willingness to continue to live together if either were guilty of "sexual immorality."

It is very important that we let God's word, rightly divided, tell us what the advantages of the indwelling Holy Spirit are in this dispensation. We also need to let God's word tell us what the limitations of the indwelling Holy Spirit are. If we are not accurate in this, we may expect The Holy Spirit to enable us to do something He has not promised to do. We as believers are still faced with many challenges, tests and temptations because The Holy Spirit has not promised to remove them from our experience in life.

12. What The Holy Spirit Does In The Lives Of Believers Today

The following are descriptions of what The Holy Spirit is doing in the lives of believers today: ³⁴God lives in us. ³⁵We live in the Spirit. ³⁶The Spirit gives us confidence of salvation. ³⁷The Spirit directs our conduct. ³⁸The Spirit corrects our prayers. ³⁹We have every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. ⁴⁰The Spirit seals us. ⁴¹We can demonstrate the fruit of The Spirit who is living in us.

There are many benefits of the indwelling Holy Spirit. However, the apostle Paul also indicates there are limitations to what believers can expect as being promised by the indwelling Holy Spirit. The apostle Paul states that marriage (for most) is a necessity for living in ¹⁰"peace," relevant to the needs supplied in marriage. We need to be careful not to focus on one aspect of truth, the benefits, and fail to recognize the other aspect of truth, such as the limitations. The expectations we have for what God promises to do, must be in harmony with His promises.

13. From The Apostle Paul--- The Importance Of The Marriage Relationship

In one of his earliest writings, First Thessalonians, the apostle Paul encourages believers to ⁴²"abstain from sexual immorality" and "know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor. Certainly this should be the goal of every child of God. If unmarried they should not engage in "sexual immorality" of any type including ⁴³"lust of the flesh." If married they should remain true to the marriage covenant and not go outside the marriage relationship in any way to fulfill sexual desires and needs.

To accomplish these goals, ⁴²"abstain from sexual immorality" and "know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor." For widows the apostle Paul instructs, ⁴⁴"I desire that the younger widows marry." This, he says, will give ⁴⁴"no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully."

To the ⁴⁵"unmarried and widows," Paul says, ⁴⁵"it is better to marry than to burn with passion." He also tells the unmarried and widows that he wishes that all would remain single as he was, but ⁴⁶"each one has his own gift from God." In the apostle Paul's general instruction in first Thessalonians and in his specific instruction to the unmarried and widows, he does not suggest that the Holy Spirit or walking in the Spirit will set aside the practical needs most of us experience. The only ones he mentions that will not have this need for marriage are those who have this ability as a "gift from God." People with this gift, based on the indication of scripture, are the exception rather than the rule (See Matthew 19:12). The teaching of wisdom crying without (what we see and experience in life) is consistent with this fact also.

Specifically, ⁴⁷"because of sexual immorality" the apostle Paul says, "let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." Also, for those who are married, Paul says, regarding the sexual relationship, ⁴⁸"Do not deprive one another...so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

This is not to say that if a person could not find someone to marry, or a husband or wife was married to a spouse who was unwilling or unable to be a sexual partner, they could not live a victorious life. Whatever the circumstance, we can be ⁴⁹"more than conquerors through Him who loved us." However, the fact is that the apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, makes it very clear that the marriage relationship is a God-designed facilitator to abstaining ⁴²"from sexual immorality," and possessing "his own vessel in sanctification and honor." Matthew 19:10 - 12 implies that not everyone can live in "peace" as a "eunuch." In I Corinthians 7:9 the apostle Paul makes it very clear not everyone can live at "peace" in the unmarried state.

14. I Corinthians Seven & Divorce And Remarriage In The Body Of Christ

The context for I Corinthians 7 begins back in chapter 6 where the apostle Paul gives some very practical exhortations concerning sexuality. In verse 12 Paul states that, "All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any." This is a statement like many that needs some qualification. If all things without any qualification were lawful then sexual immorality, divorce and remarriage are all lawful so there is no point in discussing the subject. However, "all things" like ¹⁴"the law of her husband," must be understood in the light of the immediate context as well as other portions of scripture relating to the same issue.

In verse 13 Paul immediately qualifies "all things" by saying, "the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body." From here on in this context, the apostle Paul gives us insight into what "sexual immorality" is, what it does to a person, who it is against and how to prevent it. This theme continues on through chapter 7. The question is posed in verse 15, "Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?" followed by a second question, "Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot?" We, as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, are made part of His body. The question whether we should be joined to a harlot seems ridiculous, but it is answered with certainty, "Certainly not!"

In verse 16 Paul again asks a question to make a point, "do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her?" The implied answer is yes, and the reason is, "For the two," he says, "shall become one flesh." In chapter 7 he will tell us that marriage is what makes it likely that the believer will not be tempted by a lack of self control to engage in "sexual immorality." But in verse 18 we have the simple command, "Flee sexual immorality." Also, we are told, "He who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." In the nineteenth verse we are told why this information is important. "Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?" with a command in the next verse, "therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."

Chapter 7 is opened with the statement, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." Not to touch a woman is not talking about shaking hands, hugging or courtship. The word is defined in Strong's concordance as "to attach oneself to in many implied relations." Consistent with the context it would be marriage and/or becoming "one flesh" with a woman (i.e. "joined").

The second verse gives us a GOD-DESIGNED method for avoiding "sexual immorality." The statement is very clear and without exceptions, "Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." In verses 7 - 9 Paul gives the only specific exception in the chapter. The exception stated is a "gift from God." However, if one does not have this gift, the order is, "Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." It is not until the tenth verse of this chapter that there is anything said that might possibly be understood or misunderstood to indicate that God expected anyone to remain unmarried unless they had this "gift from God." We would only come to this conclusion in verses 10 & 11 if we read these verses with the understanding that marriage between two believers is one that can not be "separated" by man.

Verse 3 commands both the husband and the wife to give the "affection due" their spouse. The "affection due" is described at times as "conjugal duty", i.e. the sexual intercourse between husband and wife, becoming "one flesh." It is understood this would also include all the verbal expressions, practical and physical acts, motivated by love, that are a part of a normal marriage relationship.

Paul states the wife, "Does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does." We might expect this because of God's order in the marriage relationship. However, we will better understand what is in view here when we look at the second half of verse 4 which says, "The husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." There is recognization here of mutual "authority" in the area of the sexual relationship between husband and wife. Both the wife and the husband have this "authority" over the other. The wife has as much right, as well as responsibility, to bring sexual pleasure to her husband, as the husband has to bring sexual pleasure to his wife. To initiate, to give and to receive sexual pleasure is an authority both have over the other. This authority carries with it responsibility and accountability. Each will be held accountable by God if they "deprive" or abandon their spouse, and the spouse is unable to maintain self control. This again shows the impartiality of God as to what is fair and just in regards to a basic need of both.

Consistent with the goal to avoid "sexual immorality," and because of the "authority" each is granted over the body of the other, in verse 5 husbands and wives are told, "Do not deprive one another" of sexual pleasure. The reason is clearly stated, "So that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

This whole context is a very practical look at what God intended to be accomplished in the marriage relationship. When you put these instructions with the Song Of Solomon, some of the Proverbs and a few verses in Ecclesiastes, we understand God intended that the sexual relationship between husband and wife be very caring, very open, very passionate, and very physical as well as spiritual. Both husband and wife have a privilege to be aggressive as well as passive, to give as well as to receive pleasure. All of this is pleasing to God because, ⁵⁰"Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Fornicators and adulterers will be judged, not because of the type of sexual affection and pleasure they give and receive, but because they do it outside of the God-ordained institution of marriage. Outside of marriage, expressions of sexuality are not usually expressions of love. They are expressions of selfishness.

In verses 6 - 8 the apostle Paul says that he wishes "that all men were even as I myself." These instructions are not to be considered a commandment for all to marry. In fact, he feels that it would be good for the unmarried and widows to remain as he is (unmarried).

The ninth verse gives this command, "If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry." The reason for this command goes back to the root of the discourse, "For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." In reading through the context to this point, it seems obvious that the Holy Spirit wants us to know the importance of the marriage relationship and free sexual expression in this relationship as a facilitator in obeying the apostle Paul's earlier instruction written to the church at Thessalonica, ⁴²"abstain from sexual immorality." The next instruction in I Thessalonians 4 is, ⁴²"..that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor." In I Corinthians 7:2 & 5 the apostle tells us one of God's provisions for how this can be done. "Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband," and "do not deprive one another."

It seems inconsistent that Paul would give commands in verses 10 & 11 that would make it impossible for some to obey the instructions he has just given in verses 2 - 9. These previously discussed instructions are consistent with the needs of most men and women from "the beginning."

Verses 10 & 11 in this chapter are the verses that could be understood to make it impossible for some to obey the instruction the apostle Paul has just given, "Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." However, this understanding must be based on the assumption that a marriage between two saved people is one that man can not separate. If man can not separate two Christians, then if a woman marries another man, regardless of the circumstance, as long as her husband is alive, she is living in adultery. If man can not separate two Christians, then if a man marries another woman, regardless of the circumstance, as long as his wife is alive, he has two wives. However, it is a mistaken assumption that man can not separate a marriage between two Christians.

15. "Let Not" Versus "Can Not"

The statement, ⁹"what God has joined together, let not man separate," does not say man can not separate. The verse says, "let not." It is not God's intent. It is not God's desire that man separate what God has joined together in the institution of marriage. It is important to remember there is no qualifying expression of saved or unsaved in this statement. It is a statement concerning human beings, all of them. Matthew 19:4 & 5 takes us back to the book of Genesis and tells us, "He who made them at the beginning made them male and female.., the two shall become one flesh..., so then, they are no longer two but one flesh." The Lord Jesus then gives this instruction, "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." God joined male and female together in the marriage relationship. This has been the case since, "the beginning," whenever a man and woman become "one flesh" with a commitment of marriage to each other. This instruction does not take into consideration the question of saved or unsaved. So when we look at I Corinthians 7:10 & 11, it is important that we not assume the marriage between two Christians is one man can not separate. The word "man" here is not limited to male. It is referring to human beings, mankind. Either the wife or the husband can separate this joining done by God in the institution of marriage. They can separate this joining but they are told not to.

16. The Unique Instruction Found In First Corinthians Seven

Paul's instructions to the husband and the wife are that they should not, as it were, separate what God has joined together. In verses 10 & 11 Paul says what he is saying is the Lord's commandment, not his. In the scripture, we often find references made to something written at an earlier time without giving the entire quote. Examples of this are Luke 4:19 ( quoting Isaiah 61 ), Acts 2:16-21 ( quoting Joel 2 ), Acts 15:15 ( quoting Amos 9 ), Romans 7:1-3 (referencing the law concerning marriage). In all of these references to things written before, it is necessary to go back to the passage, to fill in the blanks and understand fully the passage and why it is referenced. The same is true of I Corinthians 7:10 & 11. Paul gives a synopsis of what the Lord said on the subject of marriage and divorce. We will need to look at what the Lord said to fill in the blanks.

The instruction to both the wife and the husband in verses ten and eleven is, "A wife is not to depart from her husband," and "a husband is not to divorce his wife." This is consistent with the words of the Lord Jesus, ⁹"what God has joined together, let not man separate." In this brief synopsis, Paul makes no mention of the allowance the Lord Jesus gave, ³⁰"except for sexual immorality." Also, when the apostle Paul says in verse 11, "But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband," he does not repeat the consequences of ignoring this warning. The consequences are, as stated by the Lord Jesus, ³²"If a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

It is important to recognize the fact that the apostle Paul is ONLY addressing the one who would initiate the separation. Paul is speaking to the wife who might be tempted ⁶¹"to depart from her husband" and the husband who might be tempted ⁶¹"to divorce his wife." The apostle Paul in I Corinthians 7:10 & 11 is NOT giving the options for the "defrauded" spouse, the "victim." To find the options for the "defrauded spouse," the "victim," we must look elsewhere in scripture.

The new revelation and the uniqueness of this passage is the fact that for this dispensation, God's desire for a marriage where one partner is saved and the other partner is unsaved is, ⁹"what God has joined together, let not man separate." The importance of this revelation is obvious when we reflect on what would have happened if the church in Corinth had received Paul's second epistle and read, ⁵¹"Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers... what part has a believer with an unbeliev-er? ...Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean... let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God," without first having read the instructions from I Corinthians 7 regarding a marriage where one partner was saved and the other was unsaved. There would have been a lot of separating of what God had joined together, a lot of divorce.

It is implied that verses 10 & 11 are written regarding a marriage of two Christians by the expression in verse 12, "but to the rest." This implication is correct; it is written to and about two Christians but not uniquely about two Christians. The fact is, in verses 12 & 13, the believing spouse is told that if the unbelieving spouse is "willing to live with him/her," they should not divorce. This is the same instruction as given in verses 10 & 11 about a marriage where both are saved.

What is new and unique in these instructions concerning divorce and remarriage is not the instructions to believers regarding their relationship with a believing spouse, but rather the instructions to believers who have an unbelieving spouse. A believer reading II Corinthians 6:14 - 7:1 without the revelation from the apostle Paul found in I Corinthians 7:12 - 16 would feel the immediate need to "come out, be separate, and touch not" the unbeliever in their saved/unsaved marriage. This would violate the instruction from the Lord Jesus, ⁹"what God has joined together, let not man separate." However, with this instruction from the apostle Paul (First Corinthians 7:12 - 16), they now know that an existing marriage between a saved and an unsaved partner is not within the scope of what Paul called an "unequal" yoke in II Corinthians.

The fact that the "unbelieving" spouse is "sanctified" by the believer and because of this the children to this marriage "are holy" is stated in verse 14. God wants it understood that in order for a believing spouse to continue to obey the opening instruction in this chapter, "let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband," would not require that the believer divorce his or her unbelieving spouse and remarry. The unbeliever was "sanctified" (consecrated, set apart for the marriage) which made it God's order that the believer "not divorce" the unbeliever.

The church at Corinth consisted of both Jews and Gentiles. Even before the apostle Paul wrote II Corinthians warning against unequal yokes, the need for and importance of this separation had been instilled in the minds of the Jewish believers. Abraham instructed his servant in finding a wife for Isaac. ⁵⁸"I will make you swear by the LORD, the God of heaven and the God of the earth, that you will not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell." Both Moses and Joshua instructed Israel concerning mixed marriages in the promised land. ⁵⁹"Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son." And, "..if indeed you do go back, and cling to the remnant of these nations--these that remain among you--and make marriages with them, and go in to them and they to you, know for certain that the LORD your God will no longer drive out these nations from before you..." Israel did not obey these instructions. Ultimately, they were scattered from the land and the temple was destroyed.

God in mercy, during the time of Ezra and Nehemiah, gave some of the Jews the opportunity to go back and rebuild the wall and the temple. Once again, Israel disobeyed concerning mixed marriage. Under Ezra's direction the men of Israel dealt with the sin this way. ⁶⁰"We have trespassed against our God, and have taken pagan wives from the peoples of the land; yet now there is hope in Israel in spite of this. Now therefore, let us make a covenant with our God to put away all these wives and those who have been born to them, according to the counsel of my master and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law." This was a very traumatic thing to do. I am sure it was heart wrenching for all involved, the guilty fathers, the wives, and the innocent children. In passing, it would be well to note that there is no indication that God expected the husbands or wives involved to live in celibacy.

The distinction between "clean and unclean" peoples would have been very important to a believer who had a Jewish background. Peter demonstrated this in a different way as recounted in Acts 10 when he refused to eat the meat he saw in a vision, even at God's command. He later came to understand that God was informing him that it was all right for him to go to Cornelius and from there to all Gentiles with the gospel.

However, the message Peter received, concerning the gospel going to Gentiles, would not deal with the important question of mixed (saved/unsaved) marriages. For this reason it was very important that this new instruction from the apostle Paul relevant to each having his own spouse, make it clear that the "unbelieving" is "sanctified" by the believer. Paul tells the believing spouse that if this were not the case, "Your children would be unclean, but now they are holy." "Unclean" as the children of the mixed marriages were unclean in Ezra's time. In this dispensation, unlike in Ezra's time, the unbeliever is "sanctified" by the believer. This is a revelation that allows a believer in a mixed marriage (saved/unsaved) to live in "peace" without concern that in some way their children were negatively affected because their spouse was unsaved. In God's sight the children do not have the stigma of being unclean in any sense. They are not "holy" in the sense of being saved, but they are accepted by God, being the children of a proper marriage in His sight.

Even though the unbeliever is sanctified by the believer and the children are holy, if the unbeliever chooses to leave, then "a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases." Without any further thought or consideration, without "sexual immorality," without being granted ²⁴"a certificate of divorce," the believer is not bound to that relationship. The reason given for this is, "God has called us to peace." We should consider "peace" to include all the aspects of dealing with our sexuality and the marriage relationship described in this context. It would not seem consistent that God has called a believer married to an unbeliever "to peace," but he has not called the believing victim in a marriage where both parties are believers "to peace." This would seem to be partiality, which is not a characteristic of God and His judgments.

Verse 16 holds out this possibility, "How do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" The apostle Peter in I Peter 3:1 - 6 gives instructions to a wife in this type of situation that will improve her chances to save her husband. He says it will be a submissive life, adorned by the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit.

Paul, in I Corinthians 7:17, winds up this phase of the discussion by stating, "As God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches." Included in this expression must be what we read in verse 7. God has distributed to "each one his own gift." For some it was the gift of living single as the apostle Paul did. For others, God had not distributed that gift to them. In verse 9 Paul says about those who did not have this gift, "If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Marriage is a prerequisite for those who are burning with passion to live in "peace."

In verses 17-31 the instruction is to stay in the situation you find yourself in because ⁵²"the time is short." Once again, there is a statement which recognizes the importance of the marriage relationship for most people. Sandwiched between exhortations to remain in the condition you find yourself, relevant to circumcised or uncircumcised, and slave or free, is this statement, ⁵³"Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned." There are no restrictions given here that are relevant to why one "is loosed from a wife." The passages simply state, "even if you do marry, you have not sinned. It does not seem reasonable that this statement is talking about one who has never been married, because "loosed" is what one who is "bound to a wife," is not to seek. One "loosed" can marry and not sin.

In verses 28 - 35 the apostle Paul again encourages living in the condition you are in if you are unmarried. The reason for giving these encouragements to live single is summarized in verse 35. Paul's reason, "Not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distractions." It is a fact that every man and woman who is married should be caring ⁵⁴"about the things of the world--how" he/she "may please" his/her husband or wife. Paul is not saying this is wrong especially for those who are married or do not have the gift from God to live "in peace" in an unmarried state.

In the next three verses, 36 - 38, we have comments concerning a virgin and giving her in marriage. The point of the discussion is stated in verse 38. "He who gives her in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better."

The apostle Paul's final thoughts on the subject of divorce and remarriage are stated in verses 39 & 40 and deal with widows. A widow "is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." If a widow marries one who is not a believer (not "in the Lord"), she will be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. For one to enter into a saved/unsaved marriage is not pleasing to God for several reasons. We will not go into the reasons in this study. It is true that II Corinthians 6:12 - 7:1 had not been written yet. However, it has always been God's will (except in rare occasions. See Judges 14: 1 - 5, the account of Samson who took a Philistine wife, for example) that His people only marry His people. Again, even with widows, the apostle Paul makes this observation, "She is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment." She may be happier in Paul's judgment, however, he has already stated, ⁴⁵"If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." This is in harmony with the apostle Paul's later instruction, ⁴⁴"I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully."

17. The Apostle Paul And "The Law Of Her Husband"

The expressions, "the law" and "the law of her husband," are found in two passages of scripture. The first is found in Romans 7:1 - 3 and the second is found in I Corinthians 7:39. There are at least two mistakes that can be made when applying these two passages. One is to consider that they are the solo and final word on the subject of divorce and remarriage. The second is to forget that while they state one aspect of "the law of her husband," they don't begin to include all of the provisions relevant to the rights and responsibilities of both the husband and the wife as stated in the law.

The following are points, from and concerning the law of her husband, that need to be remembered.

1. We in this dispensation are not under the law. It is for our learning and there are principles in the law that we can apply to our lives today. The law gives some idea of God's attitude toward sin and divorce and remarriage. However, we are not under the law.

2. Under the law, a sexually immoral wife or a sexually immoral husband should have been put to death (Exodus 22:19, Leviticus 18:6, 20:10 - 17, Deuteronomy 27:20 - 23).

3. When a sexually immoral person was put to death that was the divine provision for the "victim" to remarry, to live in "peace."

4. If a man took "another wife," regarding the first wife he could not "diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights." If he did, she could "go out free, without paying money." Another divine provision for the "victim" to remarry (Exodus 21:10 & 11, Deuteronomy 21:10 - 14).

5. If a man had two wives, one loved and the other unloved, and if his firstborn was the son of the unloved, the husband could not will his inheritance to the son of the loved wife. The inheritance of the firstborn (a double portion of all he had) went to the son of the unloved wife who was in reality his firstborn. The wife and the status of her son were protected by God (Deuteronomy 21:15-17).

6. If a man took a wife and she did not find "favor in his eyes" he could write her a certificate of divorce and she could become "another man's wife." Again, divine provision for the "victim" to remarry (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

So we see that there is more to "the law of her husband" than, "the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress." It is a basic fact that the woman is bound to her husband until he dies. It is consistent with God's intent from the "beginning." However, there were other provisions in the law that under certain circumstances freed her.

One of the more significant provisions of the law that Israel could not implement during the time the Lord Jesus was on earth and should not be implemented by the church today, was the death penalty for "sexual immorality." If implemented, as the law was written, this would have provided the option for the wife as well as the husband to remarry and live in "peace."

The Lord Jesus seems to address this factor by providing divine judgment in making "sexual immorality" basis for a man putting away his wife and as discussed earlier, basis upon which a wife could "divorce her husband and marry another." In cases where "sexual immorality" was a factor, the marriage to "another" did not result in adultery.

18. What of abandonment without "sexual immorality?"

We have looked at the provision expressed by the Lord Jesus and referenced by the apostle Paul making allowance for divorce and remarriage in those cases where "sexual immorality" was a part of the equation. We have looked at provisions of the Mosaic law for a woman who was unloved or uncared for by her husband, indicating God's allowance for her to leave or be given a certificate of divorcement by her husband and remarry. However, at first glance it would seem that no such allowance is recognized by the Lord Jesus as recorded in the gospel accounts.

As has already been pointed out, it is good to remember the gospel accounts and 1 Corinthians 7 are giving instructions to the person who would consider leaving or divorcing. They are not giving instructions or allowances for the "victim."

It is also important to realize that the context of Matthew 5:31 & 32 is looking at life from God's perspective. This is apparent in Matthew 5:27 & 28 where we find these expressions. "You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever LOOKS at a woman to LUST for her has ALREADY COMMITTED ADULTERY with her in his heart." This is dealing with something other than the physical and practical aspects of adultery; it is looking at the heart and its condition.

Marriage has several dimensions and can be looked at from different perspectives. There is God's perspective, the individual's perspective and the legal (Caesar's) perspective. There are the spiritual, emotional, sexual, and financial dimensions of marriage. The scripture deals with these aspects and dimensions in various passages. Matthew 5:32 is primarily looking at the result of breaking the marriage in the sexual dimension (sexual immorality, adultery) from God's perspective. From God's perspective, it is the act of "becoming one flesh" with someone other than a spouse that separates "what God has joined together."

In Matthew 5:32 the Lord Jesus places the responsibility for the adultery that would be committed by a wife whose husband divorced her (without her first being guilty of sexual immorality) on the husband's shoulders, "CAUSES her to commit adultery." The one with the authority has the responsibility and the accountability. This is as God sees and it may not be as man sees the situation.

The effects of disobedience to God are far reaching. Divorce, for any reason "except sexual immorality," CAUSES... adultery. Therefore, "abandonment," even if the spouse who is abandoning doesn't commit adultery, CAUSES... the "victim" to "commit adultery." The text gives no exceptions to this statement.

1. Abandonment without immorality does not separate "what God has joined together."

2. Immorality is the act that in God's sight breaks or separates what God has joined together. (The "victim" may choose to act on this separation or not; it is their option.)

3. Abandonment sets up a condition that makes it probable that Satan will be able to "tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1CO 7:5)

4. Those who have the gift of living as "eunuchs" (MAT 9:11 & 12) or of living in "peace" while living single (1CO 7:7,9 & 15) will be successful living in celibacy after having been "abandoned."

5. Those without this gift will not be able to contain (this is consistent with the statement made by the apostle Paul regarding widows, 1TI 5:11 - 14) and will remarry.

6. If the abandoning spouse has NOT committed adultery at this point (either by remarriage or sexual relationship without a commitment of marriage), then when the "victim" of the "abandonment" becomes one flesh with another person with a commitment of marriage, this first ACT of becoming "one flesh" is an ACT of adultery. However, from God's viewpoint the responsible party is the "abandoner," the one who put his spouse in this position. This is what the Lord said, "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for ANY REASON except sexual immorality CAUSES her to commit adultery..." (MAT 5:32).

An event takes place (becoming one flesh) between two people, one of whom was abandoned by their spouse, the other possibly never having had a spouse. This event is defined in God's sight as adultery.

However, the one who has the authority over the other in this area of life (1CO 7:4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does) is the one who CAUSES (MAT 5:32) the adultery to take place and therefore is held responsible and accountable by God for the sin.

This is the same principle that we find in Genesis chapters 12 and 20 when Abraham told Sarai to lie and say she was his sister. The lie is an ACT that is sin in God's eyes. However, Abraham had the authority and we find no reference by God to Sarah having lied. In fact Sarai is held up as an example for Godly women in this dispensation. " As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror." (1PE 3:6).

The same is true at the time king David gave instruction for Joab to put Bathsheba's husband Uriah on the front lines and have him killed (2SA 11:14). Joab did this under David's authority and not only killed Joab but many others. However, when God finally dealt with David and his sin, we find the statement, "... You have killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword; you have taken his wife to be your wife, and have killed him with the sword of the people of Ammon." (2SA 12:9). No accusations are made against Joab. The children of Ammon are mentioned only in the context of how David accomplished the murder. The one who "CAUSED" Uriah to be murdered was David, and he is the one God held accountable.

God says one who divorces (abandons) his wife, "CAUSES her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery" (MAT 5:32). The ACT of becoming one flesh with another man (the ACT of adultery) "separates what God has joined together." The individuals do not live in a state of adultery because they engaged in the ACT of becoming one flesh with the commitment of marriage. Again, as stated above, the ACT of adultery separated what God had joined together. This act is the responsibility of the abandoning party.

NOTE THE FOLLOWING:

a.) Physical death, in God's sight, separates what "God has joined together" without fault.

b.) Adultery, in God's sight, is man separating what "God has joined together" in marriage. Someone is at fault.

c.) 1CO 7:5 - Depriving (defrauding) gives Satan an advantage in testing one's self control.

d.) 1CO 7:10-11 - If a wife deprives (defrauds) her husband by divorce or leaving and refusing to reconcile, God will hold her accountable for her contribution to her husband's conduct. If her husband does not have the "gift" of living at "peace" without a wife and he marries another woman, the wife who initiated depriving (defrauding) of her husband will be responsible (in God's sight), even if she does live in celibacy. (MAT 5:32 with MAR 10:12 and 1CO 7: 4 & 5).

e.) 1CO 7:11 - If the husband deprives (defrauds) his wife (MAT 5:32), he sets her up to separate what God has joined together because she is not able to contain. This will happen unless she has the gift from God of being at "peace" while living in celibacy. Her husband will be at fault. God will hold him accountable.

f.) Obedience to Paul's admonitions in 1CO 7:10 & 11 will keep believers from becoming responsible and guilty before God for: a) their own sinful actions or b) the sinful actions of their spouse "CAUSED" by exercising their individual "authority" contrary to God's order. These admonitions of both the Lord Jesus Christ and the apostle Paul are in harmony (MAT 5:31 & 32, and 1CO 7:2-5, 9, 11, 28 & 36).

The "event," becoming one flesh, which is labeled adultery in Matthew 5:32, took place every time EXO 21:10-11, DEU 21:11, 24:1 and 1CO 7:15 were enacted and another marriage consummated. All were within the permissive will (the allowances) of God. Therefore, since God does not contradict himself, MAT 5:32, 19:9 and LUK 16:18 must not be a prohibition on the innocent (the "victim") but a warning to the guilty that he (or she) will be looked upon by God as one who caused adultery.

God's provision for the abandoned spouse is that if they can not live a celibate life in "peace" and they do remarry, the responsibility and guilt for the ACT of becoming one flesh, the adultery, the ACT that separated what God joined together, is placed at the feet of the party that ABANDONED (divorced, deprived, defrauded) their spouse. With authority comes responsibility and accountability.

19. Summary - Marriage and its provisions

1. DURATION:
   • A commitment for the life of one of the parties.
2. CONFIRMATION:
   • Becoming "one flesh."
3. EXCLUSIVITY:
   • For The Woman -
     • She is not to become, "one flesh" with any other man.
   • For The Man -
     • He is not to become, "one flesh" with another woman.
   • Exception -
     • If he takes another wife (in countries where this is legal). Not God's will, an allowance.
4. CONSIDERATION:
   • Given By The Woman -
     • Help him accomplish his goals in life
     • Love and respect her husband
     • Sexual love
   • Given By The Man-
     • Food and clothing
     • Love and direction
     • Sexual love
5. NULL & VOID:
   • Upon the death of either party.
   • Upon "sexual immorality."
     • As an option for the husband or wife. In God's sight a capital crime was committed.
     • Not the will of God, but his allowance.
   • Upon being abandoned by either party.
     • The abandoning party has in fact stopped providing consideration.
     • They set up the situation where the "victim" will "separate what God joined together."
     • Not God's will, but an allowance, so that a saint may live in "peace."

20. Practical Applications Of The Conclusions Of This Study

It is always God's will that two believers work out their difficulties and develop a peaceful marriage relationship regardless of the problems they encounter. God always wants those counseling troubled marriages to work toward reconciliation and understanding in the marriage.

It is God's desire (and the way to enjoy God's best) for a believing spouse to forgive a marriage partner who is guilty of immorality. However, there are situations where this is impossible. If the immoral partner leaves the marriage and will not reconcile, there is nothing the faithful party can do, no matter how bad they want to or how hard they try.

In a marriage where one of the parties is guilty of "sexual immorality" and there is not a reasonable hope of putting the marriage back together, where does this leave the "victim?" (Example: A husband commits adultery, leaves his wife, ultimately divorces his wife and marries the woman with whom he committed adultery.) If the victim wants to remarry, in spite of the warnings from the apostle Paul, how must we counsel them? We can not counsel them on the basis of whether the immoral partner is saved or not; we can not know for certain without error, whether he or she is or is not saved. We can not reasonably shift to the "victim" the responsibility of deciding, for certain without error, whether their partner is saved or not. If counselors can not read hearts, certainly husbands and wives who are emotionally involved can not read hearts either. It is important to remember that the gospel accounts and the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, approach the subject from the perspective of the person who would "defraud" a spouse, not from the perspective of the "victim."

The man who divorces his wife or the woman who divorces her husband and marries another commits adultery "EXCEPT FOR SEXUAL IMMORALITY." Under the Mosaic law, the adulterer or the adulteress should have been stoned to death, which would end the problem. Today, since the Church is not the government but is to be in subjection to the "powers that be," God's allowance for the "victim," relevant to the covenant of marriage, is to consider the adulterer or adulteress as good as dead. The "victim" is free to divorce and remarry and not be guilty of adultery.

Where is the "victim" in cases where "sexual immorality" is not known to be a factor and the husband or the wife has abandoned or has divorced their spouse and will not reconcile? In many of these cases immorality will be a factor but the "victim" will not be aware of it or will not be able to prove it. The believing husband or wife in these cases did not abandon their believing spouse; they were abandoned. When the marriage partner left the marriage they stopped providing the "CONSIDERATION" that makes a contract binding. They refuse to supply/pay their due to the relationship. The partner who left has, practically if not legally, "separated what God has joined together." The husband who leaves has "put away" his wife. The wife who leaves has "departed" from her husband. The guilty party has disobeyed God's instructions to them; they have broken the contract. The "victim" is free to marry. The guilty party is depriving the spouse, making self-control difficult. This tends to result in "sexual immorality." God does not want the situation to continue this way unless the "victim" can live in "peace" without a marriage partner.

This is consistent with "God's Three Basic Reasons For Marriage." They set forth practical needs provided for in the marriage relationship that facilitate men and women living in "peace" in this area of life.

God's Three Basic Reasons For Marriage

1. "... the LORD God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone'."
2. "... I will make him a helper comparable to him.... Your desire shall be for your husband."
3. "... because of sexual immorality - each man his own wife, each woman her own husband."

God's revealed will, coupled with God's revealed allowances, have always enabled a person to fill these needs in a marriage relationship.

Always, the effort and counsel should be to help both a Christian husband and Christian wife preserve the original marriage relationship. A husband who loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it could surely find it within his heart to forgive his wife regardless of her sins.

By the same token, a Christian wife who loves the Lord and has the love of God in her heart should be able to submit to and respect her husband as unto the Lord. We should encourage this, preach this, teach this and counsel this, to the best of our ability. However, when a party is abandoned or where sexual immorality is a factor, God has made allowance for the "victim" to live in a married state.

What if the adulterer or the adulteress comes to the end of themselves after having refused to come to repentance or refusing to reconcile? They are truly repentant. They are truly ashamed of themselves and they have been forgiven by God and they want to be restored to fellowship. Two passages, one from the Hebrew scriptures and one from the Greek scriptures answer this question. ⁵⁵"He who covers his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes them will have mercy" and "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

If at the time of repentance the guilty party is not married, can they marry? Since they have already put asunder "what God has joined together", either by their "sexual immorality" or by abandoning the marriage, they must answer to God for that sin. They will lose rewards. However, as to the first marriage, it is "null and void"; they can remarry. If their first partner had not remarried, the goal should be for a reconciliation between them and the first partner. If this were not possible, they would be free to remarry "only in the Lord."

O The Riches Of The Mercy Of God

⁵⁶"For as the heavens are high above the earth, So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him; As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our trans-

gressions from us. As a father pities his children, So the LORD pities those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust."

God's mercy is extended to them, because they still have the needs addressed in "God's Three Basic Reasons For Marriage." All of the expressions in scripture relevant to the need of man and the designed purpose for woman bear this out. God in his wisdom and mercy gave us His order and desire in marriage, one man with one woman until death takes one of them. God in His mercy and wisdom gave us the provisions for the marriage covenant. God in His wisdom and mercy allows deviation from his plan for mankind because he ⁵⁷"has called us to peace."

God's Three Basic Reasons For Marriage

1. "... the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone."
2. "... I will make him a helper comparable to him......your desire shall be for your husband."
3. "... because of sexual immorality - each man his own wife, each woman her own husband."

COMMENTS AND APPLICATIONS

1. When we meet someone who was married in the past and they have remarried, the question of who was saved and when they were saved, will not be a factor.
   • These questions can not be answered with any infallibility.
   • There is really no concern about the second marriage for the following reasons:
     1. Mankind has separated what God has joined together. (Whoever was sinfully responsible for that action will need to receive God's forgiveness for that sin.)
     2. Once what God had joined together was separated and now there is no possibility for reconciliation, the present marriage is acceptable.
2. If someone (who was married and is now divorced) begins to meet with the congregation of the saints and they want to remarry, questions about who was saved and when they were saved are not important.
   • These are questions that can not be answered with any infallibility.
   • The important questions are:
     1. Is the person aware of where they sinned against their former partner if they did?
     2. Have they repented and forsaken the sins committed against their former spouse.
     3. Is there possibility of reconciliation (recognizing the additional responsibility if there are children involved.)
3. The prospective spouse in such a situation should enter into a marriage, with one who has in the past separated or has been separated from what God has joined together, with extreme caution.
   • There will without a doubt be scars from the last relationship.
   • The fact of the separation may indicate a lack of spiritual commitment or love.
   • Where immorality was a factor, there may be a lack of repentance on the part of the perpetrator of this sin.
   • The "victim" may have contributed to a lack of satisfaction in the marriage relationship. (This is not justification or an excuse for the sinner.)
4. If the person in number two above is aware of where they have sinned against the Lord and their former partner (if they have sinned against them), and if they have confessed and forsaken their sin and there is no apparent possibility of reconciliation with their first partner, then as the apostle Paul said, "...if you do marry, you have not sinned... Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you." (1CO 7:28) This should be our counsel to them.

¹2TI 2:15, ²2TI 3:16 & 17, ³1CO 2:13, ⁴2CO 4:7, ⁵GEN 1:27 & 28, ⁶GEN 2:18, 21-24, ⁷1CO 6:16, ⁸MAT 19:8, ⁹MAT 19:6, ¹⁰1CO 7:15, ¹¹GEN 3:16 ¹²GEN2:18 & 22, 3:16 & 1CO 7:2, ¹³1TI 2:12 & 13, GEN 3:16, 1CO 11:3, EPH 5:24, 1PE 3:1, ¹⁴ROM 7:2, ¹⁵1CO 7:39, ¹⁶GEN 12:19, GEN 20:9, ¹⁷DEU 22:13-21, ¹⁸NUM 5:12-31, ¹⁹LEV 20:10, ²⁰EXO 22:19, DEU 27:20-23, LEV 18:6, LEV 20, ²¹MAT 19:9, ²²EXO 21:10 & 11, ²³DEU 21:15-17, ²⁴DEU 24:1-4, ²⁵RUTH 3:1, ²⁶MAL 2:13-16 ²⁷1PE 3:7, ²⁸MAT 5:31 & 32, ²⁹MAT 19:3, ³⁰MAT 19:9, ³¹MAR 10:11 ³²MAR 10:12, ³³JER 3:20, ³⁴JOH 14:17, 1CO 3:16, ³⁵ROM 8:9, ³⁶ROM 8:16, ³⁷ROM 8:4, 8:14, ³⁸ROM 8:26 & 27, ³⁹EPH 1:3, ⁴⁰EPH 1:13, EPH 4:30, 2CO 1:21 & 22, ⁴¹GAL 5:22 & 23, ⁴²1TH 4:3-8, ⁴³GAL 5:16, ⁴⁴1TI 5:11-14, ⁴⁵1CO 7:8 & 9, ⁴⁶1CO 7:7, ⁴⁷1CO 7:2, ⁴⁸1CO 7:5, ⁴⁹ROM 8:37, ⁵⁰HEB 13:4, ⁵¹2CO 6:14 - 7:1, ⁵²1CO 7:29, ⁵³1CO 7:27 & 28, ⁵⁴1CO 7:33, ⁵⁵PRO 28:13, 1JO 1:9, ⁵⁶PSA 103:11-14, ⁵⁷1CO 7:15, ⁵⁸GEN 24:3, ⁵⁹DEU 7:3, JOS 23:12 & 13, ⁶⁰EZR 10:2 - 4, NEH 13:25 - 29, ⁶¹1CO 7:10 & 11

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