How to make friends, have friends, and keep friends

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Many people wish they had more friends but they don’t know where to find them or how to keep them. You can’t buy real friends, you have to earn them. Buying friends is expensive and useless because they come and go with the tide of life. Earning friends is difficult but enduring because they last through joy and sorrow.

I know a very rich and powerful family who buys their friends with perks of association. Powerful people. Fancy dinners. Unbelievable parties. Trips around the world. Exotic cruises. But, the price is too high. They expect you to be a sycophant and approve of everything they do. You cannot doubt them. You cannot question them. They expect worship. They expect slavery. It’s not reciprocal. They will not consider you. They will not help you. They will not stop for you. Some people choose these terms but it’s too expensive for me.

I know another average hard-working family. Neither of us is rich or powerful, yet we have helped each other through good times and bad times. Both of us would drop everything for each other. We give each other consideration. We accept each other for who we are. We don’t expect anything in return. This is an enduring relationship that is worth the effort.

Encouragement to find good friends

Good friends are not easy to find. You have to look for them. You have to earn them. But, the rewards are worth the effort. Don’t give up. Ask the Lord to bring faithful friends into your life. Ask the Lord to help you become someone worth being a friend.

Proverbs 17:17. A friend loveth at all times — A sincere and hearty friend not only loves in prosperity, but also in adversity, when false friends forsake us; and a brother — Who is so, not only by name and blood, but by brotherly affection; is born for adversity — Was sent into the world for this among other ends, that he might comfort and relieve his brother in his adversity. –Benson Commentary

Where to find good friends?

It should be obvious that you will find good friends at good places. You will not find good friends at bad places. Let me be frank: church is a good place to find good friends, bars and clubs are bad places to find good friends. I find it ironic that everyone makes fun of the wallflower who sits out of the action at a party, but nobody realizes the same dynamic applies at church. If you want to be involved, you have to get involved. It may be uncomfortable at first, it may feel weird for a while, but I have found it is worth the effort because involved people are the best people.

Millennials tell me church doesn’t work for them. They don’t like the show. They don’t like the structure. They don’t like the schedule. Okay, what would work? Nobody knows. I have not received any feedback on my previous article. I think they need to put aside their personal feelings and trust God.

FWIW; there are many kinds of ministry at church. If sitting in a pew doesn’t work for you, then do something else. Most churches have dozens or even hundreds of ministries. If your church doesn’t work for you, find a good Bible-believing church that meets your needs. Check these out or look for a good church in your area.

Warning against bad friends

But, the Scriptures warn that friends are not created equal. Choose your friends wisely. There are good friends that help us and hold us accountable to our commitments and encourage us to grow stronger in our faith. There are bad friends that hurt us and remind us of our failures and drag us down into sin and degradation.

Too many indiscriminate friends can ruin you. They can wear you out. They can sap your resources. They can discourage you. Consider Job’s so-called friends. You may be surprised that I didn’t lead off with “a man who would have friends must show himself friendly” (Proverbs 18:24) but that’s a really bad translation. Consider what this verse really says…

  • A man who has friends [a]must himself be friendly [7489 ra’a’], (Prov 18:24a NKJV)
         a. So with Gr. mss., Syr., Tg., Vg.; MT may come to ruin
  • There are friends that one hath to his own hurt; [7489 ra’a’] (Prov 18:24a JPS Tanakh 1917)
  • A man of many friends comes to ruin, [7489 ra’a’] (Prov 18:24a NASB)
  • Friends can destroy one another, [7489 ra’a’] (Prov 18:24a GWT)
7489. ra’a’
A primitive root; properly, to spoil (literally, by breaking to pieces); figuratively, to make (or be) good for nothing, i.e. Bad (physically, socially or morally) — afflict, associate selves (by mistake for ra’ah), break (down, in pieces), + displease, (be, bring, do) evil (doer, entreat, man), show self friendly (by mistake for ra’ah), do harm, (do) hurt, (behave self, deal) ill, X indeed, do mischief, punish, still, vex, (do) wicked (doer, -ly), be (deal, do) worse. –Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance

What kind of friend are you?

One of the best ways to find friends is to be the kind of person that others want for a friend. This doubles the search speed. While you’re looking for friends, potential friends will be looking for you. So, let’s evaluate what kind of friend are you. Are you a friend that helps, supports, and encourages? Are you a friend that hurts, sucks, and discourages?

Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves. Surely you know that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine faith. (2 Corinthians 13:5 NLT)

“But I tell you who hear: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. To him who strikes you on the cheek, offer also the other; and from him who takes away your cloak, don’t withhold your coat also. Give to everyone who asks you, and don’t ask him who takes away your goods to give them back again. “As you would like people to do to you, do exactly so to them. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive back as much. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing back; and your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind toward the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, even as your Father is also merciful. (Luke 6:27-36 WEB)

If you’re not happy with the answer, pray for God to change the way your mind works (Romans 12:1-2) so you can be the kind of friend that you want to be.

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