Divorce and Remarriage: The Question of Abandonment

11. The Age of Grace, The Church Age

This dispensation, or period of time, begins in scripture with the second chapter of the Book of Acts. At this time the promise of The Father, The Holy Spirit, is sent back by the Lord Jesus upon His ascension to The Father. From that time on, believers in The Lord Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior are baptized into the Church which is Christ’s body. They are baptized into Christ and the Lord Jesus Christ dwells in them.

It is understood by some, that because of the work of The Holy Spirit, in this dispensation God’s three basic reasons for marriage are not as important in the lives of believers as they were in ages past. Because of the work of The Holy Spirit, it is understood by some that God changes the rules about what he will allow in the way of divorce and remarriage in this dispensation. Certainly in this dispensation God wants a husband to have that kind of love for his wife that endures all things and enables him to forgive in any situation. It is true that a husband has the ability to have this kind of love for his wife, when he walks in the Spirit. However, we have this treasure in earthen vessels. The love of the Lord for the Church and the love of the Lord for Israel are both illustrated by the love of a husband for his wife. This would indicate this love is not unique to this dispensation.

It is also understood by some, that during this dispensation a husband (and wife) have a higher and greater love for each other that should cause them to ignore “sexual immorality” as an influence on their willingness to continue to live together if either were guilty of “sexual immorality.”

It is very important that we let God’s word, rightly divided, tell us what the advantages of the indwelling Holy Spirit are in this dispensation. We also need to let God’s word tell us what the limitations of the indwelling Holy Spirit are. If we are not accurate in this, we may expect The Holy Spirit to enable us to do something He has not promised to do. We as believers are still faced with many challenges, tests and temptations because The Holy Spirit has not promised to remove them from our experience in life.

12. What the Holy Spirit Does in the Lives of Believers Today

The following are descriptions of what The Holy Spirit is doing in the lives of believers today: 34God lives in us. 35We live in the Spirit. 36The Spirit gives us confidence of salvation. 37The Spirit directs our conduct. 38The Spirit corrects our prayers. 39We have every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. 40The Spirit seals us. 41We can demonstrate the fruit of The Spirit who is living in us.

There are many benefits of the indwelling Holy Spirit. However, the apostle Paul also indicates there are limitations to what believers can expect as being promised by the indwelling Holy Spirit. The apostle Paul states that marriage (for most) is a necessity for living in 10“peace,” relevant to the needs supplied in marriage. We need to be careful not to focus on one aspect of truth, the benefits, and fail to recognize the other aspect of truth, such as the limitations. The expectations we have for what God promises to do, must be in harmony with His promises.

13. From the Apostle Paul — the Importance of the Marriage Relationship

In one of his earliest writings, First Thessalonians, the apostle Paul encourages believers to 42“abstain from sexual immorality” and “know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor. Certainly, this should be the goal of every child of God. If unmarried they should not engage in “sexual immorality” of any type including 43“lust of the flesh.” If married, they should remain true to the marriage covenant and not go outside the marriage relationship in any way to fulfill sexual desires and needs.

To accomplish these goals, 42“abstain from sexual immorality” and “know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor.” For widows the apostle Paul instructs, 44I desire that the younger widows marry.” This, he says, will give 44“no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

To the 45“unmarried and widows,” Paul says, 45“it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” He also tells the unmarried and widows that he wishes that all would remain single as he was, but 46“each one has his own gift from God.” In the apostle Paul’s general instruction in first Thessalonians and in his specific instruction to the unmarried and widows, he does not suggest that the Holy Spirit or walking in the Spirit will set aside the practical needs most of us experience. The only ones he mentions that will not have this need for marriage are those who have this ability as a “gift from God.” People with this gift, based on the indication of scripture, are the exception rather than the rule (See Matthew 19:12). The teaching of wisdom crying without (what we see and experience in life) is consistent with this fact also.

Specifically, 47“because of sexual immorality” the apostle Paul says, “let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” Also, for those who are married, Paul says, regarding the sexual relationship, 48“Do not deprive one another…so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

This is not to say that if a person could not find someone to marry, or a husband or wife was married to a spouse who was unwilling or unable to be a sexual partner, they could not live a victorious life. Whatever the circumstance, we can be 49“more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” However, the fact is that the apostle Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, makes it very clear that the marriage relationship is a God-designed facilitator to abstaining 42“from sexual immorality,” and possessing “his own vessel in sanctification and honor.” Matthew 19:10 – 12 implies that not everyone can live in “peace” as a “eunuch.” In I Corinthians 7:9 the apostle Paul makes it very clear not everyone can live at “peace” in the unmarried state.

14. Divorce and Remarriage in the Body of Christ

The context for I Corinthians 7 begins back in chapter 6 where the apostle Paul gives some very practical exhortations concerning sexuality. In verse 12 Paul states that, “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.” This is a statement like many that needs some qualification. If all things without any qualification were lawful then sexual immorality, divorce and remarriage are all lawful so there is no point in discussing the subject. However, “all things” like 14the law of her husband,” must be understood in the light of the immediate context as well as other portions of scripture relating to the same issue.

In verse 13 Paul immediately qualifies “all things” by saying, “the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” From here on in this context, the apostle Paul gives us insight into what “sexual immorality” is, what it does to a person, who it is against and how to prevent it. This theme continues on through chapter 7. The question is posed in verse 15, “Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?” followed by a second question, “Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot?” We, as believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, are made part of His body. The question whether we should be joined to a harlot seems ridiculous, but it is answered with certainty, “Certainly not!”

In verse 16 Paul again asks a question to make a point, “do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her?” The implied answer is yes, and the reason is, “For the two,” he says, “shall become one flesh.” In chapter 7 he will tell us that marriage is what makes it likely that the believer will not be tempted by a lack of self-control to engage in “sexual immorality.” But in verse 18 we have the simple command, “Flee sexual immorality.” Also, we are told, “He who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” In the nineteenth verse we are told why this information is important. “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?” with a command in the next verse, “therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

Chapter 7 is opened with the statement, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman.” Not to touch a woman is not talking about shaking hands, hugging or courtship. The word is defined in Strong’s concordance as “to attach oneself to in many implied relations.” Consistent with the context it would be marriage and/or becoming “one flesh” with a woman (i.e. “joined”).

The second verse gives us a GOD-DESIGNED method for avoiding “sexual immorality.” The statement is very clear and without exceptions, “Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” In verses 7 – 9 Paul gives the only specific exception in the chapter. The exception stated is a “gift from God.” However, if one does not have this gift, the order is, “Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” It is not until the tenth verse of this chapter that there is anything said that might possibly be understood or misunderstood to indicate that God expected anyone to remain unmarried unless they had this “gift from God.” We would only come to this conclusion in verses 10 & 11 if we read these verses with the understanding that marriage between two believers is one that cannot be “separated” by man.

Verse 3 commands both the husband and the wife to give the “affection due” their spouse. The “affection due” is described at times as “conjugal duty”, i.e. the sexual intercourse between husband and wife, becoming “one flesh.” It is understood this would also include all the verbal expressions, practical and physical acts, motivated by love, that are a part of a normal marriage relationship.

Paul states the wife, “Does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.” We might expect this because of God’s order in the marriage relationship. However, we will better understand what is in view here when we look at the second half of verse 4 which says, “The husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.” There is recognition here of mutual “authority” in the area of the sexual relationship between husband and wife. Both the wife and the husband have this “authority” over the other. The wife has as much right, as well as responsibility, to bring sexual pleasure to her husband, as the husband has to bring sexual pleasure to his wife. To initiate, to give and to receive sexual pleasure is an authority both have over the other. This authority carries with it responsibility and accountability. Each will be held accountable by God if they “deprive” or abandon their spouse, and the spouse is unable to maintain self-control. This again shows the impartiality of God as to what is fair and just in regard to a basic need of both.

Consistent with the goal to avoid “sexual immorality,” and because of the “authority” each is granted over the body of the other, in verse 5 husbands and wives are told, “Do not deprive one another” of sexual pleasure. The reason is clearly stated, “So that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

This whole context is a very practical look at what God intended to be accomplished in the marriage relationship. When you put these instructions with the Song Of Solomon, some of the Proverbs and a few verses in Ecclesiastes, we understand God intended that the sexual relationship between husband and wife be very caring, very open, very passionate, and very physical as well as spiritual. Both husband and wife have a privilege to be aggressive as well as passive, to give as well as to receive pleasure. All of this is pleasing to God because, 50“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” Fornicators and adulterers will be judged, not because of the type of sexual affection and pleasure they give and receive, but because they do it outside of the God-ordained institution of marriage. Outside of marriage, expressions of sexuality are not usually expressions of love. They are expressions of selfishness.

In verses 6 – 8 the apostle Paul says that he wishes “that all men were even as I myself.” These instructions are not to be considered a commandment for all to marry. In fact, he feels that it would be good for the unmarried and widows to remain as he is (unmarried).

The ninth verse gives this command, “If they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry.” The reason for this command goes back to the root of the discourse, “For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” In reading through the context to this point, it seems obvious that the Holy Spirit wants us to know the importance of the marriage relationship and free sexual expression in this relationship as a facilitator in obeying the apostle Paul’s earlier instruction written to the church at Thessalonica, 42“abstain from sexual immorality.” The next instruction in I Thessalonians 4 is, 42“..that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor.” In I Corinthians 7:2 & 5 the apostle tells us one of God’s provisions for how this can be done. “Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband,” and “do not deprive one another.”

It seems inconsistent that Paul would give commands in verses 10 & 11 that would make it impossible for some to obey the instructions he has just given in verses 2 – 9. These previously discussed instructions are consistent with the needs of most men and women from “the beginning.”

Verses 10 & 11 in this chapter are the verses that could be understood to make it impossible for some to obey the instruction the apostle Paul has just given, “Let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.” However, this understanding must be based on the assumption that a marriage between two saved people is one that man cannot separate. If man cannot separate two Christians, then if a woman marries another man, regardless of the circumstance, as long as her husband is alive, she is living in adultery. If man cannot separate two Christians, then if a man marries another woman, regardless of the circumstance, as long as his wife is alive, he has two wives. However, it is a mistaken assumption that man cannot separate a marriage between two Christians.

12TI 2:15, 22TI 3:16 & 17, 31CO 2:13, 42CO 4:7, 5GEN 1:27 & 28, 6GEN 2:18, 21-24, 71CO 6:16, 8MAT 19:8, 9MAT 19:6, 101CO 7:15, 11GEN 3:16 12GEN2:18 & 22, 3:16 & 1CO 7:2,131TI 2:12 & 13, GEN 3:16, 1CO 11:3, EPH 5:24, 1PE 3:1, 14ROM 7:2, 151CO 7:39, 16GEN 12:19, GEN 20:9, 17DEU 22:13-21, 18NUM 5:12-31, 19LEV 20:10, 20EXO 22:19, DEU 27:20-23, LEV 18:6, LEV 20, 21MAT 19:9, 22EXO 21:10 & 11, 23DEU 21:15-17, 24DEU 24:1-4, 25RUTH 3:1, 26MAL 2:13-16 271PE 3:7, 28MAT 5:31 & 32, 29MAT 19:3, 30MAT 19:9,31MAR 10:11 32MAR 10:12, 33JER 3:20, 34JOH 14:17, 1CO 3:16, 35ROM 8:9, 36ROM 8:16, 37ROM 8:4, 8:14, 38ROM 8:26 & 27, 39EPH 1:3, 40EPH 1:13, EPH 4:30, 2CO 1:21 & 22,41GAL 5:22 & 23, 421TH 4:3-8, 43GAL 5:16, 441TI 5:11-14, 451CO 7:8 & 9, 461CO 7:7, 471CO 7:2, 481CO 7:5, 49ROM 8:37, 50HEB 13:4, 512CO 6:14 – 7:1, 521CO 7:29, 531CO 7:27 & 28, 541CO 7:33, 55PRO 28:13, 1JO 1:9, 56PSA 103:11-14, 571CO 7:15, 58GEN 24:3, 59DEU 7:3, JOS 23:12 & 13, 60EZR 10:2 – 4, NEH 13:25 – 29, 611CO 7:10 & 11

One Reply to “Divorce and Remarriage: The Question of Abandonment”

  1. Without taking scripture out of context consider 1 Cor7v27to28. This verse applies to divorce and remarriage. The word bound in both instances means married and loosed divorced. Paul then deals with virgins or those never married before. He makes it clear that these people have not sinned. I would recommend for study on line ministry safe guard your soul, divorce hope and J.E. Adams book on this divorce and remarriage for a complete study. One Pastor who ended up divorced said that if he had murdered his wife and repented he could have stayed in ministry. Forced celibacy according to the Bible is a doctrine of devils.

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